3 Signs Your Date Is ‘Making’ You (Yes, It’s a Real Dating Trend)
Perhaps one of the worst types of daters are those who put a person together with no intention of commitment. They don’t want you, but they don’t want others to have you either. According to some dating experts, this dating trend is called “seagull”.
Does your crush “like” you? Here’s how to find out.
What is ‘Seagulling’?
According to Bruce Y. Lee, MD, MBA, in a Psychology today article, “‘Seagulling’ is when you have no real romantic interest in a person, but still keep others away from him or her.”
“It’s similar to the tendency of seagulls to grab food whether they’re hungry or not, simply because they don’t want others to get the food,” he continues. “Substitute another human for the seagull, you for the food, and romantic desire for the hunger, and you’re defeated by a dater.”
Some examples of seagulling include planning dates and hooking up with someone with no intention of committing. But in this case the “seagull” is deliberately misleading. They are not upfront about their lack of interest or their desire to keep it casual. In fact, they give you just enough hope and affection to keep you on the line so you don’t explore other fish in the sea.
However, seagulls do not only occur in the early stages of a relationship.
“Seagulls can also come at the other end of a relationship—namely, the end of a relationship,” Lee says in his article. “The seagull may have long since lost interest in you or even broken up with you. But the seagull may keep hanging around, making it harder for you to move on and find someone else.”
Signs that someone ‘must’ you
Wondering if there’s a selfish seagull in your dating life? Here are three signs that someone is about to defeat you.
1. They are inconsistent
When dating, a seagull is inconsistent in its behavior. If your crush is present and communicative one day, but distant and cold the next, they may be treating you as a placeholder of sorts. They are interested enough to take what they want from you, but not enough to give you what you want in return.
The inconsistencies can confuse your brain and trigger the addictive highs and lows that keep us hooked on a person. Naturally, you will enjoy the affection you get from this person when you get it because you are not sure how long it will last. But at the same time, when you try to move on from them, they immediately lure you back with false promises.
2. They make it difficult for you to move forward
As I just mentioned, seagulls are the daters who want your loyalty but aren’t willing to give you the same in return. Every time you try to call it off or date someone new, they find a way to convince you to stay. At the same time, they are likely to pursue multiple opportunities and manage a full list. The double standard is real.
3. They haven’t introduced you to their loved ones
A person who gulls you may be purposefully hiding you from their loved ones. They will not bring you to family gatherings or friend events as this may feel like too much of a commitment for them. They likely keep you off their social media, don’t share photos, repost stories, or engage with your comments on their page. It’s easier to keep you a secret so they can continue their shady behavior without anyone calling them out.
