If your relationship never had a honeymoon phase, experts say this could be the reason
Thanks to the people who have run the world for the past decade plus, narcissism has become a buzzword people like to throw around at anyone who displays even the mildest case of self-absorption. But there are actually plenty of people out there who fully meet the real psychological descriptions of a narcissist. Unfortunately, the people who are in relationships with these narcissists probably realize that they are not comfortable with these extremely selfish people. They may be wondering when it all went so wrong.
Fortunately, some recently published science can answer that: Your relationship with your narcissistic partner was never good to begin with. That honeymoon phase? Yes, you never had it.
According to research published in Journal of Personalityrelationships involving narcissistic partners do not follow the typical rise and fall arc of a relationship. They don’t start well and then fall apart over time. Instead, they were bad from the start. And then they just stayed like that right to the end, if they ever end.
Why some relationships skip the honeymoon phase, according to experts
Psychologists Gwendolyn Seidman and William J. Chopik of Michigan State University analyzed data from nearly 6,000 couples over six years, drawing on the long-running German Family Panel. They found that partners of narcissistic people reported lower relationship satisfaction right from the start of their relationship. That dissatisfaction didn’t get worse over time compared to other couples because they started at such a low point that there was nowhere else to go and it certainly wasn’t going to rise.
The study divides narcissism into two types. “Admiration,” which is charm, confidence, and the need to be seen as special, all help explain why these relationships begin in the first place. And then there is “Rivalry,” which is the more toxic version of narcissism, which includes such lovely traits as hostility, competitiveness, and the need to put others down. The rivalry part is what the researchers found most closely related to lower satisfaction for both partners.
This probably explains why, if you suspect you’re in a relationship with a proven narcissist, you’ve probably noticed that the relationship was never very good to begin with. It hit a bad cruising altitude and just stayed there.
There are tons of little nuances in studies like these that give each relationship its own quirks that could have contributed to its demise, but the researchers feel they’ve seen a broader pattern emerge across thousands of couples, suggesting they might be on to something here.
